The seat of your soul

Sometimes You think you have made the final decision, you are the captain of your ship and the coordinates have been entered! But then wham, not so much anymore. I am going to come clean with you people. A lot has been going on in my life in the past 5 months. More than any one person should have to endure. I have endured betrayal and heartbreak that could have ripped me into two pieces never to be reconciled again. I went into survival mode, I prayed without believing in prayer, I took sleeping pills to sleep at night. I was destructive with my friendships. I reached out to quell the pain physically regardless of the consequences. In other words I haven't been this screwed up in a long time! And then I decided to leave. America. For good. (well at least for a year, actually make that three years) I found a job, I had the interview I made announcements, I DECIDED. Or so I thought...then one day (last week) I received a write back on a position that I had forgotten that I applied for. Then I received a request for an interview. Then i had the interview, then I received the contract and now I am looking for plane tickets...to where you ask? Is the suspense killing you?

I'll give you some clues:
I will be able to speak French there
It is MUCH closer to Paris than Seoul
One of the largest themes in my life
For my linguistics peeps or even just those who know me well, can we say Sociolinguistic wet dream????? ringing any bells anyone? Still don't know...




~How I feel About Paris Today~
Way closer

disclaimer:
I reserve the right to change my mind about this at any point as this job search process is twisting and turning every single day. I will post with more details when things are more finalized. but so far it has been like this:

In the past three weeks I have (mentally and with job prospects) gone from:
South Korea to China to Prague to South Korea again and now to the above alluded to land. Who the heck knows where next!

It's a Sad and Beautiful World

I named this blog a brilliant life for a reason. Well – we’re getting back to that. The brilliant life thing. It is a little too early for me to scream my proclamations from a mountain top but let it just be known that there are major effing changes on my horizon. And I feel better than ever, totally ready for the next thing and the next thing is something that nobody, including me has really seen coming. There are times in your life when you try so hard to make something happen (like leaving you country) and it just won’t budge, you just won’t budge. And then there are times in your life when the powers conspire to give you no other option than to leave your country. Hello World, here I come again.

~How I feel about Paris today~

I expect to one day, in my near future run into Paris’ open arms as a refuge from a very distant land. It’s all for Paris baby, all for Paris.

09.26.08 – Paris, France, 11th arrondissement

Old, young
Green vests
Colored scarves.
Bicycles, scooters
Little cars, big trucks
Dogs, children.
Friends, suitcases
Hair salons, tobacco shops
Businessmen, coffee shops.
Boulangeries, fromageries
Art galleries.
Clothes shops
People on cell phones
Couples, families…
Paris moves as such
The city lives and breathes
Waiting and welcoming with abated breath.

I have always likened Paris to a demanding, jealous woman
Of whose beauty one never tires.
Whose streets and alleyways are to be
Discovered over and over again.

I have heard no less than six languages in the past 24 hours.
Portuguese, Spanish, English, African tongues,
Arabic, Farsi, Hungarian, Romanian
And the French…
Oh the French.
Everyone’s accented shameless French.
Little snippets of “ohhhh oui” pronounced like “way” – or
“mais attende, ce n’est pas possible” or
“Putan, c’est quoi cas??!!”

Every interaction must begin with a bonjour and end in a merci.
This is of utmost importance
For Paris is polite and her
People are kind.
Paris is small but her possibilities are end-less.
The sun peaks through in rare moments.
The grey rests toujours,
Cold, hot, dry, wet –
All exists all the time.

Stinking metro stations and dusty bread.

In the morning I wake and run to the window in the bathroom,
Allowing the cold to rush in over my bare arms draped only in my nightgown.
I search through the mist, straining my eyes until they rest upon her.
That beautiful ornament in the skyline,
The Eiffel tower rests and greets me each morning like the smile of a trusted companion that has seen too many of my ups and downs to be fully comfortable with.
Like this I remember where I am
And recommence the day,
Trying to figure out
how to stay here forever.