The Day After

Turkey day was good, real good. I decided to go ahead and eat whatever the hell I wanted and just get back on the pony today. I am happy with that decision cuz there was some good eats at my family's. We are about 40-50 deep at our Thanksgiving dinners. It is always fun and there is never enough space for everyone to sit. Last night was the worst I've seen it yet, I mean people were standing eating there Thanksgiving dinner. that is such a faux pas! So I took it into my own hands to uproot those that had already finished there first plate. Thanksgiving at my family is like a contest to see who can eat the most. We call it running with the big dogs. In recent years they have actually introduced a large sized plate for those who need it. i think this is a gross catering to an obesity problem that starts with absolute disregard for health, happiness or well-being, but try to say that to a 300lb cousin who is about to stuff there face with 5lbs of Thanksgiving fare. Not to disrespect anyone, the skinny ones join in the contest by trying to consume there own weight in green bean casserole and stuffing. I took the somewhat moral highroad and only went in for one round. True I didn't move more than three feet from our buffet table the rest of the night and "just picked" myself stuffed silly, but at least I didn't go back for a second round!

So Hugo, told my Jehovah's witness auntie that he was an Afghan refugee and that were not boyfriend and girlfriend but just have sex every once in a while! Yeah, I know, pretty rude. He was insulted, but for the love Christ ya don't have to say that! I kneed him in the back and yelped "that's my aunt" and left the room. That wasn't the only room bolting I did either. Let's see, there was the part of the evening that I tripped over an ice cooler and went flying across the kitchen mid bite of honey baked ham that I had swiped from the food table. This in and of itself is not so embarrassing except for the 40 screaming family members, none of which were actually trying to break my fall but instead watching in half amusement and half horror as I am wiggling through the air and they are all screaming "WHOA" Like that's gonna fuckin' help! Instead I totally did a cat-like land on hands and back paws and jumped up as quickly as possible to bolt into the room and take refuge in my aunt who sells wigs for a living. She just said I would probably bruise. When i recovered from that I switched rooms to go and find Hugo and recount my embarrassment, and then my cousin walked in who JUST GAVE BIRTH YESTERDAY! with the new baby and awesome husband who delivered the baby himself in tow! There was a stampede to get to the new baby in which my 11 year old little sister was literally crushed! But I must say...new life...is beautiful. Happy Holidays people, it's 80 degrees in Atlanta but I don't care, I already put up my Xmas tree today! Here's a pic.



How I Feel About Paris Today

I've heard French turkey is kinda better, not so packed with hormones and therefore juicier than a lot of American turkeys, so If and When I move back to Paris, I will have one of those really sophisticated Thanksgiving dinners for other expat friends and we will eat Turkey and drink really good wine and I am sure that I will be desperately missing my family, but ultimately will be much happier with myself for living the life I want.

Turkey Day

So, I had to go to a work party for my second job and somewhere in the midst of the party someone asked me what Thanksgiving is really about...yeah, you can imagine my response...I will say this, it involved the trail of tears and an awkward, "oh, I see, alright then, thank you" form the questioner. My boss walked by and looked as though she wasn't sure whether or not she should laugh or be horrified by this explanation I was bestowing upon one of our more impressionable clients not from America. I got a good laugh out of it later, but it was more of the "DOH...why couldn't I just say turkey and football" nervous laugh to myself before I went to sleep that night.

I am graduating and over cocktails last night with a friend who is super processing her own graduation journey (she's earned her Mistress of Linguistics), I had an epiphany that it doesn't really mean anything, this graduating thing...or does it? I don't know, I'm confused! I know that when I woke up this morning I just wanted my life back. I wanted to be bale to edit this blog and write the story of my life and not have to worry about the million friggin' papers I have due before I can graduate in 3 WEEKS!!!! flare down baby ulcer, it's okay

So yeah, she's right it means a lot, really, it is all about identity shifting and incorporating this new part of myself into whatever new life is going to follow me out the do' of that college I have begrudgingly but self inflictingly (can I do that?) been attending. My biggest fear, is that if I let it mean too much to me and it really doesn't mean that much in reality...

Pregnant Pause 1...2...3 full seconds...

yeah, I don't know how to finish that sentence, THEREFORE, who gives a shit if it means to much or not enough, whatevah, I'm gradiatin' with a degree in Linguistics, and that means...I can diagram word and sentence trees...wohoo!!

So I have also decided to shake things up a bit on the blog. I am adding a new section, inspired by Someday Syndrome's Daily Someday Lessons and Lunch.
My new thing is this...


How I Feel About Paris Today

(I'll work on making that title bigger)

So today I want to live in Paris so that I can blog about living in Paris.

Très calme

Hello, it’s Sunday and très calme chez moi. I was very very stressed out the past few days and things were starting to get unbearable. I have taken to grunting loudly when I am alone to get the stress out of my body so that I can prevent an impending ulcer. I kinda sound like that really ugly guy from the goonies, or at least the sound I make actually sounds the way that he looks. I got out of my shift at work yesterday and had the whole weekend to recover myself and do homework. Actually I should be studying for an exam right now. It is at exactly 9:00am tomorrow morning. I have barely studied all day even though it is the only thing I have had to do today! But I don’t want to think about that!

I have a screensaver of my dog and myself on my computer. We look really close in the photo and when I look at it, it reminds me of how much I love her. But lately it is reminding me of what a horrible mother I am. I mean she is relegated to sleeping on a dirty (I wash it every once in a while) disc of a doggie bed. I don’t wake up and think of her first and immediately take her out for a walk or even the opportunity to pee. Instead I make her wait for hours, the whole time feeling guilty and ashamed of myself for wanting to just be left the hell alone and do my morning thing without having to walk her first thing in the morning. Every guest is better at this than myself. Every time one of my family members or friends comes to stay they are singing and chirping and off handedly mention that they walked Shaka already. I am always overwhelmed with joy, guilt and relief at not having to do it myself. I profusely thank them which is usually met with “I did it for her, not for you” kind of comment. “Right, yeah, of course, this is about her” – and that is why I suck as a mom! And she knows it! She hates me to, I am sure of it. And the times when I actually try to make up for it, she just manipulates me into feeling worse about all of the times that I don’t walk her enough and I end up making promises to her that she 1.) can’t understand 2.) would immediately forget because of her doggy memory even if she did understand 3.) has no reason to believe at all even if she could understand and remember, because I have only ever done the contrary! Instead she sighs heavily, tucks her foot under her chest, and looks away to the side, leaving me feeling like the ass of a doggy mom that I truly am. Oh well, I just hope she doesn’t die before I can make it up to her by being a really good mom all the time. Maybe I’ll start now, maybe I’ll get dressed, not study for my test in the morning and just go ahead and walk the brat around the block…nahhh, it’s too cold out there!