Friday, November 24, 2006

The Day After

Turkey day was good, real good. I decided to go ahead and eat whatever the hell I wanted and just get back on the pony today. I am happy with that decision cuz there was some good eats at my family's. We are about 40-50 deep at our Thanksgiving dinners. It is always fun and there is never enough space for everyone to sit. Last night was the worst I've seen it yet, I mean people were standing eating there Thanksgiving dinner. that is such a faux pas! So I took it into my own hands to uproot those that had already finished there first plate. Thanksgiving at my family is like a contest to see who can eat the most. We call it running with the big dogs. In recent years they have actually introduced a large sized plate for those who need it. i think this is a gross catering to an obesity problem that starts with absolute disregard for health, happiness or well-being, but try to say that to a 300lb cousin who is about to stuff there face with 5lbs of Thanksgiving fare. Not to disrespect anyone, the skinny ones join in the contest by trying to consume there own weight in green bean casserole and stuffing. I took the somewhat moral highroad and only went in for one round. True I didn't move more than three feet from our buffet table the rest of the night and "just picked" myself stuffed silly, but at least I didn't go back for a second round!

So Hugo, told my Jehovah's witness auntie that he was an Afghan refugee and that were not boyfriend and girlfriend but just have sex every once in a while! Yeah, I know, pretty rude. He was insulted, but for the love Christ ya don't have to say that! I kneed him in the back and yelped "that's my aunt" and left the room. That wasn't the only room bolting I did either. Let's see, there was the part of the evening that I tripped over an ice cooler and went flying across the kitchen mid bite of honey baked ham that I had swiped from the food table. This in and of itself is not so embarrassing except for the 40 screaming family members, none of which were actually trying to break my fall but instead watching in half amusement and half horror as I am wiggling through the air and they are all screaming "WHOA" Like that's gonna fuckin' help! Instead I totally did a cat-like land on hands and back paws and jumped up as quickly as possible to bolt into the room and take refuge in my aunt who sells wigs for a living. She just said I would probably bruise. When i recovered from that I switched rooms to go and find Hugo and recount my embarrassment, and then my cousin walked in who JUST GAVE BIRTH YESTERDAY! with the new baby and awesome husband who delivered the baby himself in tow! There was a stampede to get to the new baby in which my 11 year old little sister was literally crushed! But I must beautiful. Happy Holidays people, it's 80 degrees in Atlanta but I don't care, I already put up my Xmas tree today! Here's a pic.

How I Feel About Paris Today

I've heard French turkey is kinda better, not so packed with hormones and therefore juicier than a lot of American turkeys, so If and When I move back to Paris, I will have one of those really sophisticated Thanksgiving dinners for other expat friends and we will eat Turkey and drink really good wine and I am sure that I will be desperately missing my family, but ultimately will be much happier with myself for living the life I want.


Anonymous said...

This writing style is so funny. SO real.
Your Father would love this Blog. Virgina Wolf was a favorite of his.
I never understood....what a loss for me, a true timing issue.

Love you with all of my heart

Marian said...

They have turkey in france? It shocks me since it is indigenous to north america and impossible to find in many other parts of europe... or so say my informants.

However, when you move to france, I'd love to come taste the french turkey!