Dear self in any number of days, months or years from now. The date is February 21, 2007 and you, my dear child, are happy. That’s right, happy. You just quit a job that you hated and a business that you have felt trapped in for the past 5 years of your life. You’ve managed to secure a job in a field that is totally in line with your heart and soul and you are, generally, optimistic about the future. You EVEN feel okay about your weight, your apartment, your dog and your boyfriend. You feel that you are old enough to know better but young enough to use that as an excuse.
Things are not perfect, there are still a lot of things that you want and can’t afford, but I am pretty sure that will always be the case. You have recently started baking and you’re actually quite good at it (I imagine you are better by now). This year alone you have already pulled off three culinary treats and not gained a pound from any one of them! You like baking, if you are reading this because you are sad…GO BAKE SOMETHING and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You also like flower arrangements and are getting better at them every week. Keep doing that, or start again - I don’t know which.
Your writing is becoming more and more of a focus and less of a “thing I used to do when I was younger but stopped because I got into college”. You’re in the middle of the second installment of your life memoirs (thus far, of course).
At this point you are being really good about not biting your nails and making your bed every morning. You and your boyfriend have taken to having long dinners with friends, which end in way too much drunkenness but a whole lot of fun. He is a great cook and you usually make him cook the whole mess of it except for the dessert.
Overall, you are in a very good place and you feel that you have worked very hard to get here. You feel peaceful, lucky and pensive.
The last few years of your life were a living hell. They were full of financial, emotional and psychological stress. But you kept on – forging relationships with your family again and struggling through the issues of your romantic relationship. All the while you worked two fucking jobs and went to school full time. Congratulations – breath – relax – get back into yoga and watch some movies you love.
You worked so hard to get where you are now, so if you’re reading this because you’re bored, depressed or somehow unhappy, just remember this evening in February where all of these things to feel grateful for were very clear to you.
How I feel about Paris today
Again, optimistic here! What can I say; I really believe that Paris is for me. I never want to be broke and struggling as much as I was last time I was in Paris, but I am starting to feel secure in my ability to get myself where I want to be. I have gotten myself here – this was always part of the plan, this time in between college and Paris. It feels right, Paris feels as though it is happily looming, waiting still being Paris. It’s not going anywhere. Okay yes, I won’t be 21 and anorexic anymore when I go back, but that will be okay because I will be comfortably living in my own skin. I will be better at Paris. (and I was pretty damn good at it before)