It wasn't necessary to have been strapped to the table and left there lying and crying alone while the anastesia wore off. It wasn't necessary to keep my husband blocked out of the room and not not even let me touch my babies once they were born. It wasn't necessary that I was discouraged from holding them, touching them, letting them feel their mother's warmth for an entire day after they were born. It just wasn't necessary. As happy as I am in my life here, this is a beef with this country that I will always have. And yes, it feels a bit small when I look at them today and they are so big and strong and full of life. But when I watch the birth stories of others, I know that it wasn't necessary. And if we had been in other circumstances, my husband and myself could have had a much more serene welcoming for our little girls. And maybe the rift between us, the one that rears its ugly head unexpectedly, occasionally, would not be so profoud...maybe.
1 comment:
this kills me...
as someone who had to grapple with the shock of a birth plan shattered...and who later will find the silliness in ever having one...
well, i can inch a bit closer to understanding how things did not go as you would have wanted...
still...ouch.
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