Tuesday, November 27, 2007
In a Funk
The past few days, no, weeks, no, months have been quite blasé. I know I was excited and posting about how wonderful Germany is going to be and how my blog will be all dedicated to the excitement leading up to that, but the reality is that I am friggin miserable – day and night. I really grasping, trying to get myself out of this funk but it seems to have permeated pretty deep underneath my skin. The unfortunate thing about this is that this was supposed to be my fall, as in the season fall. The summer sucked big time, the spring was mildly and fleetingly exciting and fall was supposed to be the season. Hugo and I dusted our knees off and said, “okay – here it is – a new season” we were smiling and hopeful that this season would bring a nice gathering of friends and a healthy new outlook on life to go with it. But it hasn’t, this season has been more of the same bitching, moaning and wining on my part. I am miserable in my life. It definitely does not feel so very brilliant right now. This blog is dedicated to the brilliance, so I am trying really hard to capture some of that. I think my life has become so dull for me because I no longer have anything to look forward to. School was all about finishing and leaving Atlanta. Now I am staring at year one of after school. I do not miss being in a perpetual state of I hate my life and want to finish school and stop bar-tending. This, however, has not been too much better. I find myself freaked out by the amount of federal taxes being taken from my paychecks, the reality of working for vacation days and the complete and utter lack of having any kind of a savings. All of this has landed me in a deep state of depression and I can’t claw my way out. I am still hoping that Germany will do that for me, that being back in Europe will remind of what I love about life – but there are no guarantees there. I will keep you updated, hopefully with more frequent posting. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t’ post as much when I hate my life.