Still not unpacked

If you've been wondering where the hell I've been...well, so have I. Not blogging turns into "one of those things" in my head. Just like not following my food plan and not taking care of myself and not exercising. There is a snowball effect for me when I am not blogging. The linger I wait, the more embarrassed I get about not doing it and simply prolong my self inflicted torture!

I haven't been blogging or doing any of the above mentioned self loving things listed above. for me, not writing means that I am neglecting a very important part of personal life. Ultimately leaving me completely unsatisfied with any pursuit. In the emaciated, intoxicated, destitute days of my Paris life I wrote. It was the only thing I had, the only thing I actually did. When you have this kind of relationship with art you can't wait to let it happen to you - you must do. Everything in my life latley has simply been - and I haven;t been doing. On a very surface level you could say I haev been doing my job - but I haven't been doing the important stuff and that ultimately will hold me back from being as close to serenity as I can get. Me being the difficult one, according to some. Apparently.

So here, here is my effort to pull myself up from the boot straps and by writitng these two little paragraphs, I hoping that it will somehow push and expand my appetite to write more often, to give more to this instead of things which are not of my nature. I am hoping that this petite entry will push at my resolve as I sometimes over gorge my stomach with food and my parameters stretch.

~How I feel about Paris Today~

Desperate.

Natalia, J'ai reçu ton email et je suis écriture toi de retour, je promets. Tu me manque aussi.