July 2007

July is my month. The month of my birth, fire filled, suffocating heat in the dead of night, red wine drunk, favorite month of the year. I love July…and it’s already mid-month. I find myself in a reflective mood about last July, where I was and what I was doing at that point. Am I happier now? Am I any closer to meeting my goals? Have I made progress?
Yes, yes and yes. Last July…was hell- scooter crash and all. Crazy obsessive what I am doing next hell. This July, I feel a little bored, way more relaxed and a shit of a lot more confidant! That is a victory. College was…no fun for me. I enjoyed the pursuit of knowledge and I grew tons emotionally and intellectually. However, I didn’t enjoy the lifestyle. I was too stressed – there was always something hanging over my head to be done, I put off all of the important stuff and took no real responsibility for my life. I essentially put everything on hold for 4 full years. Now, don’t get me wrong – at the end of those 4 years I have a degree and a job that I am downright passionate about. And that’s exactly it! I hated my job(s) all through college! I hated working as a waitress and a bartender. It was not good for me and I was miserable. I made money sure, I made friends and went out and blah blah blahed my way through 4 years of hell, but looking back on it I know that I am the type that would’ve been much happier if I had just taken a fulltime job and got the hell out of the business – or better yet never got in it! But I did – I did get in it. So now I tip really well when I go out and I always feel really guilty about any special requests to my drinks or food and I love that one song on the radio about the bartender. DO you know the one? It goes something like “I’ll be with the baaartender, the baaartender. I’ll be at the bar with her” or something like that.

So at least I can relate to that huh?
Anyways – my point to all of this "I hated working in the service industry" deluge is: I am happier now, I have made progress and I’ve got a lot to celebrate for this year’s birthday. I’ll just try to avoid scooter crashes!

~How I feel about Paris Today~
I have kind of been half-assing this section for quite a few months now. Let’s face it I have been half-assing this entire blog for quite a few months now. The reason…laziness and fear. I am afraid that no one wants to read about how much I want to be in Paris but cannot manage to get myself there everyday! So there it is, still the same thing. I still love Paris I still want to be there. In fact, I met a person that could be directly responsible for getting me there ( I have to be vague here) and that person basically said no chance of that. I felt devastated and excited all at the same time. Devastated for the obvious reasons but excited because this soon into shit I met someone that could get me to Paris!!!!!!! YEAH, WOHOO, GO ME –workin’ on those dreams!